Moving Forward
by 7gifts
Summary: This is a story about Dan's journey moving forward after the demise of his relationship with Blair.
1. Moving Forward

**Summary:** This is a story about Dan's journey moving forward after the demise of his relationship with Blair.

**Author's notes:**

Katie is the Dan fan girl from Season 3

I haven't seen the Episode 5.24 or some of the episodes preceding it; to be honest I haven't seen much of Season 5, so please forgive any artistic licenses I may have taken.

I struggled with Dan and Blair's Dan dialog and it has taken me four weeks to get to this point. Interested in knowing your thoughts on this section and the rest of the story.

_Not beta'd all mistakes are mine._

* * *

**Moving Forward**

_Let me not think on't - Frailty, thy name is woman! (Hamlet)_

He'd be lying if he said he never thinks of her. He can't help but, think of her; every memory of their time together haunts him.

It is proving difficult not to try rationalizing what happened. He keeps experiencing a hot flush of emotions, it seems to fluctuate between numbness and anger in rapid succession.

No matter how he tries to look at it, the resounding conclusion is that he was used, pure and simple. The thought depresses him.

He takes relish in letting his hair grow knowing that Blair would hate it.

With the rationalizations come melancholic songs. Pulsating vibratos keeps pounding in his head, he especially has a penchant for Grenade by Bruno Mars and My Immortal by Evanescence, even though they are not his typical tastes in music. One good thing about them though is that it pushes him to write with vengeance and gusto that surprises him. He finds it stimulating.

Easy come, easy go

_That's just how you live_

_Oh, take, take, take it all_

_But you never give_

_Should've known you was trouble_

_From the first kiss_

_Had your eyes wide open_

_Why were they open?_

_[Refrain]_

_Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash_

_You tossed it in the trash, you did_

_To give me all of your love is all I ever asked_

___Cos what you don't understand is_

_[Chorus]_

_ That I'll catch a grenade for you_

_Throw my hand on the blade for you_

_I'll jump in front of the train for you_

_You know I'll do anything for you_

_I will go through all this pain_

_Take a bullet straight through my brain_

_Yes I would die for you baby _

_But you won't do the same_

_Grenade by Bruno Mars_

* * *

Rome is about art and culture, shame he hasn't experienced any of that yet. Dan spends majority of his time in doors with Georgina, writing has become a means of escape for him.

Georgina has a lot to dish, the amount of information she has on people is extremely frightening.

Trying to piece all the information together to come up with a narrative for a novel is much harder than Dan originally anticipated. Trying to explain this to Georgina falls on deaf ears. Georgina is getting impatient and wants the finished story yesterday. He tries to explain to her that though she has given him a ton of juicy information, without putting them together narratively they have nothing, but it falls on deaf ears.

After about a week into their time in Rome, relentless digs are being thrown his way by peppered with a lot of harrumphing due to what Georgina refers to as "the boredom of the writing process".

A few days later while he is out getting coffee and something for them to eat, Georgina leaves without saying goodbye. Her note says something about Lake Como and trying to snag George Clooney; he throws the note in the trash and hopes George Clooney has very tight security.

Georgina has the attention span of a gnat and was always in search of the next shiny thing, where next she could inflict pain or wreck havoc.

Pushing himself he continues to pound away at the keyboard relentlessly.

Two weeks into his trip he decides to take a break; he isn't getting anywhere with his writing and hopes some time away might bring clarity. He decides to go to London to see his sister and immediately purchases cheap round trip ticket to London from a low cost airline Jenny recommended.

Dan arrives in London in the last week of June, and due to the impending Olympics it is absolutely busy. The queue at immigration is the longest he has ever experienced and it makes him wonder if it is just as bad without the euphoria of the Olympics. Getting through security ended up taking four hours, he hopes Jenny hasn't gone by the time he gets out. More importantly, he hopes she isn't too upset by the entire ordeal.

The minute he exits security and gets to the arrivals' terminal, Jenny is waiting for him and holding a big sign that says 'Dan Humphrey'.

"You know you didn't have to hold a sign for me, I know what you look like."

Jenny punches him in the arm playfully and calls him a big dolt.

He laughs and then engulfs her in a crushing hug; he had missed her so much.

They make their out of the airport and head towards what Jenny calls the "tube station" to get the subway/tube to Jenny's place.

As their train departs from the darkened Heathrow Airport station, the glass windows slowly reveal the English landscape; it is lush and green, very picturesque and looks better than anything he had seen in the movies. It lives him with an exhilarated feeling. he is pretty stoked to be here and can't believe he is finally in London.

The subway/tube is bustling with activity. It is full of people making their way into what Jenny refers to as 'Central London.' There are cacophonies of accents which, he guesses are from different parts of the world however, the one that seems to stand out is the English one, it sounds so dignified.

The amazement and awe must have shown on his face because Jenny hisses at him, "You are such a tourist!" He is indeed. Sending a grin her way, he continues to take everything in awe and with a big smile on his face.

About an hour and a half later they arrive at Shoreditch; their hour and a half journey time had consisted of a variety of subway interchanges. Dan doesn't think he would be able to remember them all if he had to venture out on his own.

Shoreditch kinda reminds him a bit of Brooklyn. It has that arty grimy urban feel to it. Apparently it is an "up and coming" area that caters to young artists, fashion designers, musicians and the like; and its bustling night life makes it one of the trendiest places to hang out. No wonder Jenny likes it here.

Jenny's place is an apartment or "a flat" that she shares with two other people. Jenny's roommates have gone home for the summer holidays, so they the place to themselves.

Dan puts his stuff in Jenny's room and then joins her in the living room cum kitchenette. They catch up while having beverages; coffee for him and tea for Jenny. He is careful to stay away topics about Blair or the fact that they used to be in a relationship, there is no use stirring up bad blood. However, he feeds Jenny's curiosity about the _Royal Wedding _without dishing out any dirt.

Before they know it is time for dinner. They have fish and chips from a nearby shop; it is an awesome experience that Dan notes in his moleskin and causes him to tick off one of his mental checklist from the_ his list of things to do in England_.

After dinner they meet up with some of Jenny's friends at "The Commercial Tavern".

Dan has never met a bunch of more zany and interesting people in his life. They all obviously adore Jenny which warms his heart especially after the all the stuff that happened in high school, he is pleased that Jenny is finding her place in the world and finally has friends that like her for who she is and not for her zip code or connections.

A few days into his trip, Jenny broaches the subject he has been dreading, "Blair". It catches him unawares.

"So tell me Dan what was going through your head when you decided to date my mortal enemy? Off all people,you had to date Blair Waldorf! What where you thinking?"

He feels stupid, ashamed, like he betrayed his sister by sleeping with the enemy. He definitely feels that there was an element of temporary insanity involved in his behavior, there was no other probable reason.

"How did you…Who told you?" He stutters in disbelief

"Don't dodge the question Dan."

He sighs, "I wasn't thinking, I guess."

"In what universe does Dan Humphrey date Blair Waldorf?"

"I don't know which universe per se, may be one where my body was mysteriously taking over by aliens?" He quips

"Dan!"

"I don't know! I'm still trying to figure it out myself!" Pushing his hands through his hair in frustration he continues, "May be I got carried away in the moment. You know, things were happening around us, we became friends, best friends actually and I honestly thought she had changed. So when she said I had her heart, I believed her and decided to pursue the relationship."

Jenny looks at him in astonishment.

"You know for a long time I thought she didn't return my feelings and then out of the blue she told me that I had her heart…me Dan Humphrey had her heart, and that she chose me over Chuck." He rambles on with contrition in his voice.

"So...I took that as a sign that she cared for me just like her did for her, I didn't know that she was using me…that I was a stopover to Chuck."

"And then she left me without telling me, without even saying goodbye…she just never showed up."

Folding his arms against his chest with a glum look on his face he says, "So if you want to call me an idiot or fool, go ahead I deserve it, I really can't believe I fell for her schemes."

"Oh Dan!"

Jenny tries to console him, telling him that the sheer fact that Blair referred to him as her best friend or said he had her heart meant that she must have cared for him on some level. The Blair she knew only cared about her inner circle (Serena, Chuck and Nate), so what he just told her was huge.

He scoffs at her reassurances; he doesn't want to hear them. Frankly he doesn't care about what Blair may or may not have felt. Actions speak louder than words.

He really doesn't want to discuss this anymore; the entire thing is giving him a headache.

Jenny tries again to stress her point, but he makes some lame excuse to get out of there. Knowing his sister, he knows they are going to have to discuss this again at some point, well rather then than now.

During his stay at Jenny's there are on some occasions where she has to go out and do her thing. On those occasions where Jenny is out running some errands and has to leave him to his own devices, he ceases the opportunity to explore London on his own and also tries get a good feel for Shoreditch. He really likes the ambience here; it feels like a home away from home.

Having time to himself leaves him time to reflect and helps bring certain things to perspective. One thing that is resounding is the fact that their lives was fine until they became embroiled with the Upper East Side. He didn't know what he was thinking getting involved with that world or wanting to be part of it. The Upper East Side chews and spits you out.

_Knew the signs__ w__asn't right__  
__I was stupid for a while__  
__Swept away by you__  
__And now I feel like a fool__  
_  
[Refrain]

_So confused,__My heart's bruised__  
__Was I ever loved by you?_

_[Chorus]  
Out of reach, so far__  
__I never had your heart__  
_ _Out of reach, couldn't see__  
__We were never__ m__eant to be_

…

_[Bridge]  
So much hurt ,So much pain__  
__Takes a while__ t__o regain__, __What is lost inside__  
__And I hope that in time,__  
__You'll be out of my mind__  
__And I'll be over you_

_Out of Reach by Gabrielle_ [Bridget Jones Soundtrack]

* * *

Distancing himself from the Upper East Side is the first step to recovery. It seems to have done Jenny a well of good and she seems to be in a good place now.

It makes him wonder if moving here would be good for him too. Thoughts to moving here after graduation begin to spring to mind and he decides to discuss this his sister when she gets back.

He broaches the subject with Jenny later that evening and she seems ecstatic about the idea, though she makes a few digs about him cramping her style. He thinks telling their Dad will be the difficult hurdle. Dan convinces Jenny to come back to New York with him. Dad seeing Jenny again might soften the blow.

About two weeks into his trip, Eric arrives en-route to New York from Congo. It's nice that their parents' separation has not caused any weirdness or animosity between them; Dan embraces the normalcy.

Two days into Eric's arrival, Eric gets a call from Lily; Serena is in a coma due to a drug overdose.

Eric decides to cut his trip short. Dan and Jenny don't want him traveling alone, so they decide to travel with him for moral support. Dan has to stopover in Italy first to get the rest of his stuff.

Eric mentions that the fact that Serena is in hospital is hush-hush, Lily wants to keep it within the family, as far as everyone knows Serena is away spending time with their father. So they can't let on that they know or let anyone know that they know.

So on arriving in New York, they say their goodbyes at the airport as going home with Eric might arise Lily's suspicions. They promise to call Eric often and tell him that he is always welcome at the loft if he needs a sanctuary.

Serena's current predicament has him tatters and he can't stop berating himself for not spotting that something was wrong with her. The events at occurred at the Shepherd's party was probably an indication.

He also can't help thinking that maybe "Inside" might have helped speed things up a bit, the very notion makes him scared stiff.

Dan prays desperately for her recovery. He doesn't want the last words they said to each other to be their conversation at the loft. He doesn't think he will be able to live with himself.

There is regular contact with Eric to see how he is bearing up and to find out Serena's progress. There isn't any news at the moment.

Dan desperately wants to see her but, Eric says it isn't possible right now. Notwithstanding, he wishes he could do something, like send flowers or books but, he knows that if he does that Lily would get suspicious. He wouldn't want Eric to bear the brunt of Lily's malcontent.

Serena wakes up a week later; Eric says she can't talk at the moment and is in a lot of pain due to the various tubes inserted into her body but, he will keep him posted on when it is possible to do so.

During the waiting period Dan and Eric come up with a dastardly plan to sneak Dan into the hospital when Lily isn't there. Their plan sees fruition three days later.

Serena looks happy to see him, for this he is glad. He can't help thinking she looks so helpless and frail lying there.

They talk and talk and talk, she is remorseful about what she did and so is he. They forgive each other their trespasses and agree to move on. Serena could never hold a grudge.

She makes him promise to come see her again, he can't deny her anything and he promises to do so even if it means facing Lily.

Dan gets to see her one last time; Serena has decided to check herself into a facility in California. She hopes that the time away from New York will help her heal.

Their last time together is short, and with sadness in their eyes and a crushing final hug they bid each other farewell.

Serena's decision to take some time away from New York, reminds him of the decisions he made in London; with Jenny's help he broaches the subject with his Dad.

Serena's departure and stint in the hospital also makes him think about the expose he and Georgina were penning; he doesn't think he can go ahead with it anymore.

Vengeance is not really his thing.

Writing this book means he is just like them. He no longer wants any part of that world, he is happy being plain old plaid wearing Dan Humphrey from Brooklyn. He informs Alexandria of his decision, she isn't happy about it but, he is resolute in his decision.

With thoughts of Serena in a coma no longer at the fore front of his mind, he faces the harsh reality of being back at the loft. There are too many memories of Blair every where; it is as if she imprinted herself in every nook and cranny of the loft. He can't bare it. So he decides to seek refuge in the NYU dorms. His father takes his decision well. Dan sees the tell tale sign of understanding in his father's eyes.

He and his Dad decide that he should look for a dorm room that is singly occupied and has its own bathroom. His father believes that sharing a room would be a shock to the system for someone like Dan who has never shared a room or been away from home.

Looking into college accommodation and masters programs in England colleges keeps him busy and takes his mind away temporarily from his haunted home.

Dan settles for the Second Street Hall accommodation, which provides a room, bathroom and kitchenette.

His Dad and Jenny help him move in a month before college start, as he is keen to acclimatize before the other students start arriving.

Jenny leaves for London a few days later; there isn't a dry eye at JFK. He stays at the loft overnight to keep their father company.

Leaving in college is different from anything he has experienced. Firstly, his living space has dwindled enormously. Secondly, the sheer amount of noise that permeates the walls once the other students started to arrive is enough to make one lose it. Thirdly, do these guys know anything about personal space?

As time goes by Dan begins to get into the swing of things albeit grudgingly.

One good thing about being back in college is the fact that Katie is back doing a graduate program. Having spent a lot of the past year in the Upper East Side, he is pretty out of touch with most people and was finding it a bit tough getting back into the swing of things at NYU. Having Katie there is an enormous help and he is beginning to get back into the swing of things gradually, plus people are beginning to welcome him back with open arms.

Even though he didn't want to admit it in the past, he kinda missed Vanessa last year; and having Katie here for company kinda fills the void; having Katie around fills a lot of blanks.

A Gossip Girl blast of he and Katie is the final crucible. He needs to cut off permanently from everything relating to the Upper East Side. There is nothing holding him back anymore, so he makes the executive decision to change his phone number and email address. The only people who have his new contact details are the people that matter i.e. his Dad, Jenny, his Mom and his friends at NYU.

Dan contemplates giving Nate his new details but, decides against it. They have been drifting apart since the Serena thing, plus it isn't as if Nate cared about his existence or made any attempts to contact him prior to and after Rome. If he wants to cut all ties with the UES, he has to be absolute. That also includes not subscribing to Gossip Girl or anything remotely related to Gossip Girl – Thank God that his friends at NYU have no clue about Gossip Girl; it makes it easier for him to ignore its existence.

He is not entirely absolute though, he tells Jenny that she can give the number to Eric if he asks for it.

Life takes an unexpected turn in October. Blair Waldorf comes barging into his life in a figure hugging red dress and a trail of Channel No. 5 perfume; like barging into his life is her God given right. It's amazing how Blair knows where to find him when she needs something.

Luckily Katie interrupts their conversation and he is able to get rid of her.

He and Katie join the gang at Minetta Tavern. They have an awesome night, the ambience is cool and the conversation flows. It also helps that he drowns his sorrows with a few alcoholic beverages.

Some hours later he and Katie make their way back to his dorm. They are laughing, joking and being handsy i.e. generally having a good time in each other's company. That all comes to a stop when he sees Blair standing there in front of his dorm.

Why is she here? Why can't she leave him alone?

With anger coursing through his veins he advances towards her leaving Katie standing on her own. Blair looks at Katie disparagingly and makes a condescending comment.

They start arguing heatedly. Blair always did know how to push his buttons.

Dan doesn't realize how engrossed he is in their argument until Katie repeatedly attempts to gain his attention. When he realizes this, he leaves Blair side to go to her and apologizes profusely for his lack of manners. He is in the middle of promising to call her as soon as this is over when Blair stamps her foot and make her impatience vocal.

He really needs to get rid of Blair; there is no telling what she could do next. Her theatrics had caused a bit of a scene and there were now a considerable amount of people loitering around the hallway and looking at them with keen interest.

Quickly saying goodbye to Katie, he opens his front door, practically drags Blair inside and shuts the door behind them.

Dan clenches is jaw and crosses his arms against his chest and utters, "What are you even doing here? I thought I made my self clear earlier."

"I came here to tell you about Serena's overdose but, obviously you booty call with the lumberjack is more important."

He doesn't understand how she can talk about something as serious as Serena's situation then riddle it with an insult about Katie. He is going to ignore the insult and focus on the fact that she may have just found out about her best friend and was looking for an avenue to lash out.

"I already know about Serena." He responds more quietly, putting his key on the desk.

He doesn't know how his comment about "already knowing about Serena" leads to another argument, but somehow it does. Frankly he doesn't know what he does or does not owe her, and from his view point he owes her nothing.

In a matter of seconds Blair goes from huffy to sad and doe eyes and he finds himself feeling sorry for her again. Part of him wants to wrap her his arms around her and console her, telling her that everything will be alright. Another part of him knows that if he succumbs to his baser instincts, he will be ensnared in her web of deceit; he refuses to slip.

Dan is not sure what prompts him to mention sleeping with Serena at the Shepherd party; he thought she knew about it.

Blair slaps him hard; man can she pack a punch.

He can't believe she has the effrontery to act like the wounded party here. She dumped him without having the decency to tell him that he had been dumped. Yet in typical Blair fashion she thinks she has the right to take the moral high ground. He is the wounded party!

He is really trying to hold his tongue; he is not going to give her the satisfaction of having him lose it. So he turns away before she attempts to hit him again and walks towards the window. He comes to a stop in front of the window and gazes out of the window, dejectedly and absentmindedly thinking that the view from his room was terrible.

The room is filled with an eerie silence.

Breaking the silence he says softly, "You don't have the right to traipse in here and act like the wounded party. You lost that privilege when you couldn't be bothered to let me know that it was over."

"If you could just let me explain…"

"There is nothing to explain, I loved you and you didn't return my feelings, case closed. I was ok to have around when it suited you and when you no longer had a use for me you walked away without sparing a thought for my feelings."

"But, Dan…"

He laughs bitterly, "So why are you really here and don't tell me it is because you cared so desperately to tell me about Serena."

She rambles on about how she really could do with a friend and how things did not pan out as she expected and how she found out about Serena after she got home following her first visit here.

He interrupts her, "So I'm guessing that may be things didn't work out with Chuck and now you want good old Dan to make things better?"

He lets out a deep sigh and continues, "You made your choice and now you need to lie on it. You can't expect things to be the same after what you did."

"Dan..."

"And as far as I'm concerned we are done here."

"Dan, if you could just let me explain..."

"Goodbye Blair."

She leaves after that, the door shuts with quietly in her wake.

A lonely tear he didn't realise he had been holding makes its way down his cheek.

Blair Waldorf is the devil.

_You were my sun, you were my earth_

_You didn't know all the ways I loved you, no_

_So you took a chance, made other plans_

_But, I bet you didn't think they would come crashing down, no_

…_.._

_[Chorus]_

_Cry me a river_

_Cry me a river_

_Cry me a river_

_Cry me a river_

…_._

_Cry me a River by Justin Timberlake_

* * *

Her impromptu visit has him spooked and he keeps expecting her to show up again unannounced. Luckily for his sanity she doesn't.

Some gifts from her land on his door step about six months later; he sends them back to her unopened. He cannot be bought. She hasn't apologized for what she did.

A letter swiftly follows, he doesn't know if he is ready to hear anything she has to say.

After a few weeks of avoidance, he lets himself read it. He doesn't want anything clogging his mind when he is trying to focus on his finals.

Reading it doesn't salvage anything, nor does it make him feel less used or remotely better, her apologies came too late. He compartmentalizes his feelings after that and makes graduating cum laude his main focus.

After graduation, he is accepted on a graduate program at Bath University, England.

He and Katie promise to keep in contact, but long distance makes it difficult to stay in touch and their relationship flounders.

Masters leads to a PhD at Oxford University, and the PhD leads to a job as a lecturer at Bath University, where he meets Emily Bosworth, a fellow lecturer.

Emily heals the fragments of his broken heart giving him the capacity to love again.

The End


	2. Love Comes In Many Guises

Author's Notes: I started out by writing Dan's point of view, somehow Blair's point of view crept in and I began to write both simultaneously. For some reason Blair seems to have a lot to say.

My idea for Dan's dorm came from nyu._edu(slash)life(slash)living-at-nyu(slash)on-campus-living(slash)explore-the-residencehalls(slash) _

_No beta, all mistakes are mine._

* * *

**Love Comes In Many Guises**

_"I'm not frightened. I'm not frightened of anything. The more I suffer, the more I love. Danger will only increase my love. It will sharpen it, forgive its vice. I will be the only angel you need."_

_Bernhard Schlink, "The Reader"._

* * *

She realizes within minutes of telling Chuck that he is her choice that she bet with the wrong hand however, warped logic convinces her to press on harder, isn't there an old adage about the winner takes all. So like a novice gambler she chooses to press on, it wouldn't do to go home without winning something.

In the bid to recover Bass Industries, Chuck needs to travel around the world scoring China, Dubai and South Africa for investors. In the view of solidarity Blair takes an unannounced sabbatical from Waldorf Designs and accompanies him on his voyage. Being an accessory was never her thing but, for Chuck she smiles, makes small talk with the hope that it would bring business his way.

If there is one thing Chuck is good at it is decadence and parties, and with Chuck they often go hand in hand. The thing with people with new money is that they want to show it off; they like the exclusivity and indulgence it can buy them and Chuck is able to give them all that and more with the exchange of cash. Within a few months he gains considerable amount of notoriety and a handful of clients on his portfolio; Chuck Bass is back with a vengeance.

With Jack's help they are able to expand in the Oceania Asia belt gradually.

Blair is not involved in the business side of things, no matter how much she wants to be. Chuck still doesn't trust her; her only involvement is to stand by his side looking pretty.

One good thing that comes from this is that she often gets comments from the other plus ones about her fabulous ensembles; gradually she carves a niche for herself giving solicited and unsolicited fashion advice. She contemplates making a business out of it, not that she hasn't had many offers but, that would mean leaving Chuck's side. She really wants to prove to Chuck that she is in this for the long haul and will not abandon him again.

Somewhere between Japan and Morocco, they fight and call it quits three times but, she perseveres.

Anytime she and Chuck fight, she picks up the phone to call him but, can't bring herself to do so. She is terrified of the reception she would get from him; they didn't exactly part as friends.

It starts to happen gradually (often after their fights), the comparison that is. She doesn't mean to compare them, it isn't intentional, it is like an unbidden reaction.

Blair hadn't realized how much she's changed or that she has now come to expect certain things in a relationship. But she can't let herself think like that, that is not who Chuck and Blair are.

Chuck is under a lot of pressure right now; even though he is making considerable progress, getting his and Jack's version of Bass Industries to be a multi-billion dollar industry like its predecessor is not as easy as Chuck originally envisaged. Wanting to help she suggests investing some of her money in the business. Chuck sees her suggestion as her not having faith in him and not being supportive, so he storms out of their hotel room. She hasn't heard from him in two weeks.

This is not as if this is the first time Chuck has walked out, to be honest she stopped counting. However, in the past he always came back to her within a few hours or days, he was never away for this long. She can't bring herself to care anymore. Evidently guilt no longer seems to play a big part in her decision making.

This time she doesn't chicken out and dials his phone number. She plans to say something witty when he picks up the phone, hopefully he'll say something witty back causing them to ease into their usual repartee which will then steer them away from her Chuckful past. Dan always did know how to make her feel better.

The response to her call is a resounding dead tone. She tries the number again and again and again, the response is the same each time. She then decides to try email, but her emails keeping bouncing back with a delivery error.

Her mind goes haywire and starts to imagine all sorts of terrible things that may have happened to him. With shaky fingers she calls Dorota and tells her to gather Intel on Dan, following her call to Dorota, Blair books herself on the next flight to New York.

Arriving in New York just after thanksgiving is a riotous affair; it takes forever to get out of the airport. At times like this she misses the privilege of being a princess i.e. not having to go through security with the rest of the civilians or reducing oneself to plebian tasks such as getting her own luggage.

Dorota is there to meet her at the airport.

The one good thing after her ordeal is Dorota's news that Dan is fine and ensconced in the NYU dorms. She can't help thinking, if he is ok, why is his phone or email not working? She snuffs out those thoughts and begins to formulate a plan to get him back on her side.

Without the hustle and bustle that accompanies her parents and Cyrus or Serena living here stepping into the penthouse feels almost like stepping into a mausoleum.

As they ascend the stairs Dorota is nattering on about something again; Blair isn't paying attention because the name Serena is included in whatever Dorota is saying. If Serena wants to be in her good graces she needs to make it up to her after many months of no contact. Pleading and begging for her forgiveness would be an acceptable first step. Blair shushes Dorota and instructs her to go draw her a bath, and then once finished with that to lay out her sleeveless red dress and black La Perlas for her to wear.

"But Miss Blair I need to tell you about Miss Serena..."

What is it with Dorota and the need for incessant chatter? Using hand motions to silence Dorota, she barks at her to go do her biding. Blair isn't interested in hearing about Serena. Dorota glares at her for effect and walks away to do as she has been instructed.

Later that evening Blair makes her way to Dan's dorm filled with trepidation and an aroma of Chanel No 5. On arriving at Second Street Hall, she makes her way to the fourth floor.

Standing in front of room 418 she knocks on the door and waits for an answer.

"Come in the door's open."

Opening the door slowly she steps into the room stealthily. Dan is sitting at his desk working away on his computer. She takes in the picture in front of her and a part of her is relieved to see him looking hale and hearty; another part of her finds the scene endearing.

Inhaling sharply she breathes out "Hi" shakily.

Dan turns his eyes from his computer screen and it meets hers where she stood by the door. A look of horror flickers across his face only to change to an icy glare in a matter of seconds.

"What are you doing here?"

Psyching herself internally, she has beatific smile on her face and she advances towards him and goes to stand by his desk. On getting there, she reaches out and attempts to grab his right hand and encase it in hers.

"I was worried about you. Your phone and email are no longer working so, I thought I'd come check up on you." She responds with concern in her voice.

"Aren't you seven months too late for that?" he retorts removing her hands from his. He then gets up from his desk and walks towards the window putting some distance between them.

"Can't we put the past behind us and start again with a clean slate please?"

There is a knock on the door. Ensuring that he sidesteps her, Dan advances to the door and opens it. A pretty girl with wavy brown hair walks in. She is wearing a brown plaid shirt and blue jeans accompanied with gold hoop earrings.

What in the world is with this lumberjack ensemble?

The girl notices Blair and gives her a little wave, Blair doesn't return it.

The girl faces Dan and gives him a peck on the lips.

Blair tries not to cringe at the grotesque display in front of her. She can't believe Dan went from high fashion to this. She doesn't allow herself to think about the searing pain that is starting in her chest.

Lumberjack is telling Dan about this place the gang is going to and wonders if he would like to go. Does she have to be really handsy when telling him about it?

Dan smiles at her in that cute way of his and agrees to go.

Lumberjack girl then turns in her direction and asks Blair if she'd like to join them at some Tavern.

Before Blair can respond with something wittingly condescending, Dan says "She can't, Blair's just leaving."

"Excuse me but, we are not finished." Blair begins to protest in astonishment.

"I believe we are. Good bye Blair."

And with that parting shot, Dan hurriedly ushers her out of his room and closes the door in her face. Blair hears the distinct sound of the door being locked. How dare Dan dismiss her! With that she storms out of the building.

Blair returns home dejected and slumps on the chaise lounge in the living area. She hadn't been expecting Dan to behave that way towards her. The whole thing left a sour taste in her mouth.

Dorota places a tray laden with Laduree macaroons, a teapot full camomile tea and a matching tea cup and saucer in front of her. Dorota pours some tea into the cup and passes it to Blair along with the plate of macaroons. Blair takes a sip from the tea cup and places it down on the saucer; then takes a macaroon from the plate and bites into the soft gooey center of a pistachio macaroon and lets out a sigh of contentment.

From the corner of her eye she sees Dorota acting fidgety. Blair rolls her eyes and growls, "Spit it out Dorota".

"It's about Miss Serena."

"I told you not to mention that name in this house!"

It turns out that Dorota had been trying to tell her that Serena had an overdose in July; the overdose nearly killed her. Lily made sure everything was hush-hush, and the only reason Dorota knew is because Vanya was the one that found Serena's comatose body in an alley in Queens.

"I tried to tell you over the phone Miss Blair, but either your phone switched off because you are flying somewhere with Mr Chuck or you shout at me not to mention Miss Serena..."

"You should have tried harder!"

Deserting her tea and macaroons Blair rushes out of the apartment.

Blair arrives at the Van Der Woodsen's hoping Lily would confide in her but, Lily's only response to her query about Serena's whereabouts is, "You know Serena, she is off to God knows where doing God knows what after deciding to take some time out from college, _again_."

Blair can't put a finger on it but, Lily is behaving stranger than usual. She's a bit too cold and detached even for Lily. Their conversation is stilted and doesn't go anywhere. In the past she may have probed further but, something is definitely off. And is that gin she can smell on Lily's breath?

Blair makes her excuses and leaves. She meanders around Manhattan with a big fog over her head. She can't believe she had being missing in action when her best friend needed her. She feels awful and desperately needed to talk to someone.

As she walks past the Paul Smith store on Fifth Avenue she wonders if Dan knows about Serena. If Lily kept it hush-hush there was a chance that he might not know. Hailing a cab she heads to Second Street Hall.

Dan isn't in his room when she gets there so she decides to wait for him in the hallway. She assumes that he'd gone to that place that the lumberjack had been talking about.

After a few hours of waiting her high heeled encased feet were beginning to ache, if she wasn't petrified about the possibility to catching something she would have relieved her aching feet by sitting on the floor or taking her shoes off.

A few minutes later she breathes a sigh of relief upon hearing Dan's voice coming from the direction of the stairwell. Her relief changes to something she can't define when she notices that he is accompanied by the lumberjack. Dan's arms are around her.

Dan stops upon spotting her and bellows, "Why are you back?"

"Oh I'm sorry did I interrupt your pathetic attempt at a booty call." She snarls back at him looking at the lumberjack up and down disparagingly for effect.

Dan advances towards her and stops in front of her, and before she realizes it they are talking over each other and arguing pretty intently. The only reason they stop is because lumberjack interrupts them.

Dan walks away from Blair and placates the lumberjack, apologizing profusely. They are talking in hushed tones so Blair can't make out what they are saying. However, Dan's looking into lumberjack's eyes and his hand is now stroking her cheek/jaw softly. Blair can tell where this is going.

Rolling her eyes, she stamps her foot and yells "Excuse me we were having a conversation!"

This causes Dan and lumberjack to jump. Dan turns to glare at her momentarily then turns back to inform lumberjack that _he needs to deal with this_.

This! How dare he refer to her as _this_?

"Humphrey you have some nerve…"

Humphrey and lumberjack say their goodbyes then Dan grabs Blair by the elbow, opens the door to his room and drags her inside, shutting the door behind them.

Dan removes his hand from her elbow, raising his hands in frustration yells, "What gives you the effrontery to come to my dorm and cause a scene?"

"What gives you the right to refer to me as _this_?"

"What are you even doing here? I thought I made my self clear earlier."

Still filled with righteous indignation, "Well I came here to tell you about Serena od'ing but, obviously you attempted booty call with lumberjack is more important. Forgive me for wanting you to know that the love of your life nearly died."

Placing his keys on his desk, "I already know about Serena." He responds more softly.

"What do you mean you already know about Serena? Dorota said no one knew as Lily kept it all hush-hush. In fact I went to see Lily tonight and she wouldn't divulge anything."

"I know, because I was there when Eric got the call from Lily."

"And you didn't think to let me know about this?"

"Frankly Blair I don't know what I do or do not owe you. So tell me how was I supposed to get hold of you to relay this information, hmmm? I haven't seen or heard from you in seven months."

"That is beside the point, you could have emailed me or texted me or asked Dorota to contact me…"

"Are you for real? Are you even listening to yourself?"

Sighing deeply he says a bit more quietly, "I saw Serena at the hospital and she was fine."

"Really? She's ok?"

"Well...ok enough to check herself into a facility in LA?"

Leaning against the door dejectedly she says, "I can't believe I didn't know something was wrong with her."

"Don't beat yourself about it; I didn't know anything was wrong with her either. I mean I should have clued in at the Shepherd party when she tricked me into having sex with her, and there was the whole thing about her videoing us having sex and trying to use it as blackmailing material..."

A sharp sound of skin hitting skin echoes across the room.

"Ouch, what the hell was that for?"

"You cheated on me with Serena?"

"You left me for Chuck, you don't get to pull the righteous indignation act on me Waldorf!"

"And you don't get to act sanctimonious, you cheated with my best friend!"

"For there to be cheating we would have had to be in a relationship and if my memory serves me correctly we weren't in a relationship. You left me for Chuck."

"I tried to explain. I left voicemails on your phone, sent you emails..."

"Just so you know, I didn't read your emails, in fact I deleted them. I was not interested in anything you had to say then, and frankly I'm not interested now." He turns away from her and walks towards the window.

There is an uncomfortable silence that seems to last for ages. The only sound in the room was the simultaneous hum from the refrigerator and the laptop on Dan's desk.

Breaking the silence Dan says, "I loved you, you know, more than I thought it was possible love anyone. All I wanted was some assurance that we were on the same page but, you couldn't be bothered to tell me that you decided to check out of the relationship, not even to say goodbye. And now you expect me to accept you back with open arms, it doesn't work that way Blair."

He lets out a deep sigh and continues. "You made your bed and now you need to lie on it. You can't expect things to be the same after what you did."

Opening the lets herself out and closes the door quietly behind her. Upon getting home books herself on the next flight to Paris. There was nothing for her in New York anymore.

On getting to Paris, one of the first things she does is to hire a PI to find Serena. The PI comes back with nothing.

The Second thing she does is to have a tete a tete with her parents. She apologizes for absconding on her responsibilities and explains that she had not envisaged this would happen when she agreed to take over from her mother. The truth was she doesn't think she is ready for Waldorf Designs right now. The past year had been excruciatingly difficult following the turmoil of losing her child, her broken marriage and nearly bankrupting her family. She hasn't been herself for a long time and taking over the helms of Waldorf is too much right now. She needs a break to find herself again first and maybe it would help her become stronger to carry on.

One thing that isn't vocalized is the heartache left by Dan, Serena and Chuck respectively.

Her parents (and step parents) are supportive. Her mother particularly feels awful for rushing her into taking on Waldorf Designs.

* * *

Within a few days of her arrival in Paris, Chuck is back and with a vengeance. Very soon the apartment is drowned in peonies and expensive gifts.

Chuck is very persistent however, she can't bring herself to go for a ride on the Bassmobile again. She needs to figure out why she is so messed up, why things are so confusing and more importantly she needs to fix whatever is wrong with her. Hitching herself on the Bassmobile (or any other mobile for that matter) is not going to bring her any closer to that.

So she rebuffs his advances when he comes to her apartment to proposition her.

"Is this about Humphrey?"

"This not about Dan." She protests.

"You think I don't know about your pathetic attempts at a reunion at NYU."

"You had me followed?"

"We fight and then you go slumming it in Brooklyn, that's pathetic even for you."

Blair recoils at the insult, taken aback by vitriol spewed her way. She's not at fault here; he was the one who left her in a hotel in Beijing.

"I think you should go," is her only response. But Chuck counters that.

"Why don't you get it through your head, you don't belong with the Humphreys of this world. You belong with me, he'll never understand you like I do..."

She doesn't let him finish, "Get out!"

Chuck looks her up and down disparagingly and says "Good-luck being someone else's whore" and strides out of the apartment.

Blair decides from that point onwards that _No Regrets_ is her mantra, _moving forward_ is her watchword; she is determined to make something meaningful of her life even after so many pitfalls.

Blair books herself into a retreat in Switzerland. Something about the Alps and fresh air there is very invigorating. Having time to herself, helps her reflect and gain perspective.

Love comes in many guises. It can come in the form of a prince with Vanderbilt connections, the Victrola or a Brooklyn boy with nothing to offer but, ensuring her happiness.

Sometimes love is not what you want it to be but, what you need. She can earnestly say that she loves Chuck, and she knows deep down that he loves her. His parting shot to her notwithstanding. He will always be her first in so many ways. The truth of the matter is that she's not in love with him; she hasn't been for a very long time. This is what she had been running away from for a while now. She shouldn't have involved Louis or Dan in her confusion; she should have faced her problems head on instead of needing people to keep her away from Chuck.

Chuck! No matter how much they love each other. They just aren't good for each other. How can someone who doesn't know love, give love? Despite all their declarations, their experiences and catastrophes has been a shinning beacon telling them it's not going to work out, no matter how much they want it to.

She's not even sure if Chuck really sees her. He may know her dark side but, he doesn't see all of her.

If she's completely honest with herself, she may be the first woman Chuck said I love you to, but she's not the last. She saw how he was with Eva and Raina.

She also realizes now that she loves Dan, she didn't realize it when they were together because it was different from anything that she had ever experienced. It wasn't intense like her love for Chuck or Nate; it was a quieter, an unassuming kind of love.

The funny thing about all of this is that, she thought if someone could love all sides of her unconditionally like Dan did, that maybe Chuck could too, and then she could have everything she always wanted. Chuck Bass is a law unto himself alone. The love of a woman couldn't change that.

Blair sends a package of books to Dan's dorm with a note that says "I'm sorry", hoping it would smoothen things or at least open an avenue of communication between them. She could really do with a friend right now.

The package is returned to her with a note that says, "You can't buy your way into forgiveness."

After more months of soul searching and therapy, she decides to put pen to paper. She writes three letters, one to Louis, Chuck and Dan respectively. She hopes the letters will explain everything and hopefully earn their forgiveness.

She never gets a response back to any of her letters; not even from Dan. It brings her to the resounding conclusion that he may never forgive her.

Blair encourages herself with the words _No Regrets_ and M_oving forward_.

* * *

_To be content with what we at the present know, is for the most part, to shut our ears against conviction; since; from the very gradual character of our education, we much continually forget and emancipate ourselves from, knowledge previously acquires; we must set aside old notions and embrace fresh ones; as we learn, we must be daily unlearning something which it has cost us no small labor and anxiety to acquire. The Odyssey by Homer._

Following her year in Switzerland, Blair returns to Paris and throws herself into Waldorf Designs while simultaneously finishing her degree at Columbia via distance learning. She graduates cum laude and hangs her certificate in her office proudly. The gold picture frames sparkles every time it is hit by sunlight streaming through the curtains.

A year after graduating from Columbia she enrolls on a graduate programme at Sorbonne where she meets Jean-Victor Meyers. Together they are the toast of Paris, thanks to their family's combined fortunes, his L'Oreal, hers Waldorf Design.

After graduating from Sorbonne, she and Jean-Victor tie the knot; Blair is twenty seven years old. They decide that Paris would be their main base and make their home in Auteuil-Neuilly-Passy in the 16th arrondissement.

Their marriage is more of a media success than it is a happy one. Things begin to crumble when Olivier is three years old. It has been happening gradually over the years but, now they have reached a point of no return. They are practically strangers and are rarely in the same place at the same time. In the early days of their marriage they could easily patch things up as they had more time for each other, but as he became busier with his various charities and traveling the world in aid of them they rarely saw each other.

It doesn't help that she also became exceptionally busy with Waldorf Designs. Under her stewardship Waldorf Designs is expanding, they have taken London, Paris, Milan and Moscow by storm and are now one of the mains attraction during the fashion week in those cities. Opening and managing new stores in Paris, London, Moscow and Milan in addition to her daily duties of overseeing Waldorf Design kept her very occupied. There is also that little part of her that compares him to the one that got away.

They amicably dissolve their marriage and she gets custody of their five year old son.

After Jean-Victor, she falls for a fellow expatriate Steve Collins (who is a shipping magnate) within a space of a few months following her divorce. Sadness at her failure in a second marriage, loneliness and a lot of vodka martinis had a hand in her decision. She becomes pregnant within a short span into their relationship and they decide to get married. Arabella Nicole Eleanor Dorota Collins (affectionately referred to as _Belle_ by Olivier who couldn't pronounce Arabella) was born nine months later.

This marriage doesn't last either, they called it quits when Arabella is three years old and Olivier is nine.

After the crumble of her third marriage, Blair decides to move to New York. This is partly due to the fact that French tabloids have not been kind to her. Having three failed marriages with two famous French nationals and a Monaco Prince makes her an easy target. A few of them label her _Madame Poison_.

More importantly, she wants to give Oliver and Belle an American education, she's missed New York so much.

As she and parents were now permanently based in Paris there was no point keeping the penthouse, they sold the penthouse (with her permission) after her marriage to Jean-Victor. Plus Jean-Victor's family home in Park Avenue had been very suitable for their needs that they hadn't needed a second house.

With the penthouse sold years ago, Blair begins to look into Manhattan's real estate. With the help of a realtor Cyrus put her in contact with, Blair scores for a new accommodation, this means frequent trips to New York. On a few occasions she brings the kids with her and together they settle on a nine bedroom town house on Park Avenue. The kids love the spiral staircase, the many rooms and the little garden. Blair likes the fact that the hallway reminds her of her childhood home, the house was built in 1903, has a Louis XV drawing room, a Georgian library and eighteen century fireplace mantels, which would make excellent dinner conversations as she ingrains herself back into the New York social scene.

The move to America in the months that followed was smooth and they settle into their new home nicely within a year following her divorce.

Olivier is enrolled Saint Judes and will start in the fall, thanks for a sizable donation. Belle will be attending a kindergarten not too far to Saint Judes; it simplified their nanny's logistics.

It is nice having Dorota back. A lot of pleading and guilt tripping was involved in enticing Dorota from her previous employer. The sizable bribe sent to Dorota's employer may have also help speed things up a bit.

One good thing about being back in New York is being able to catch up with Nate who is now a congressman in Connecticut's fourth district. They promise to do lunch whenever they are both free or when next he is in the city. During their chat she asks after Dan and Serena, Nate has not heard from either of them since college.

Apparently Nate and Chuck still see each other from time to time whenever Chuck is in the states. Chuck is on his third marriage to a twenty year old by the name of Wendy Lee.

Being married and running a business has made it difficult for her to pursue other things like finding Serena.

Curiosity gets the best of her and she finds herself hiring a PI. Serena is now a sought after photographer-cum-creative director in Hollywood. Blair would have pegged Serena to be in front of the camera not behind it.

Dan resides in England. He is a lecturer at Bath University and is married to Emily; they have been married for 10 years and had a son. Reading this information causes her heart to ache inexplicably, she didn't realize she was still harboring feelings. Refusing to open the envelope containing the pictures, she asks her secretary to shred them and the documents (about Dan and Serena) that accompanied them.

If Serena wanted her to know her whereabouts, she would have tried to get in touch with Blair, it isn't as if she didn't know where Blair was.

Blair decides from that point onwards that there was no point looking back, after all _No Regrets_ is her mantra, _moving forward_ her watchword.

The End


	3. Alternate Ending

The one thing that kept coming to mind after writing Part 1 and 2 was Blair's words in Season 5 Episode 15 – Crazy Cupid Love, where she told Dan, "…Just be your charming wonderful self like you've been with me all year…so if you are that guy with Serena, how could she not love you." And it made me wonder, how could she not love him? She practically declared it in that episode, so what is stopping her from loving him. As a result of my many ponderings, I came up with this alternative ending which is basically consists of the previous one (i.e. Blair's POV) plus an additional 5000+ words to create an alternative ending.

The two previous chapters and their endings still stand. However, if this chapter is not your cup of tea, please accept the previous two chapters as how the story ended and ignore this one. Thank you for reading.

Note: Unfortunately the pictorial inspirations behind Blair and Dan's houses have been removed from the realtor's websites, sorry that I couldn't share them with you.

* * *

**Love Comes In Many Guises**

_"I'm not frightened. I'm not frightened of anything. The more I suffer, the more I love. Danger will only increase my love. It will sharpen it, forgive its vice. I will be the only angel you need."_

_Bernhard Schlink, "The Reader"._

* * *

She realizes within minutes of telling Chuck that he is her choice that she bet with the wrong hand however, warped logic convinces her to press on harder, isn't there an old adage about the winner takes all. So like a novice gambler she chooses to press on, it wouldn't do to go home without winning something.

In the bid to recover Bass Industries, Chuck needs to travel around the world scoring China, Dubai and South Africa for investors. In the view of solidarity Blair takes an unannounced sabbatical from Waldorf Designs and accompanies him on his voyage. Being an accessory was never her thing but, for Chuck she smiles, makes small talk with the hope that it would bring business his way.

If there is one thing Chuck is good at it is decadence and parties, and with Chuck they often go hand in hand. The thing with people with new money is that they want to show it off; they like the exclusivity and indulgence it can buy them and Chuck is able to give them all that and more with the exchange of cash. Within a few months he gains considerable amount of notoriety and a handful of clients on his portfolio; Chuck Bass is back with a vengeance.

With Jack's help they are able to expand in the Oceania Asia belt gradually.

Blair is not involved in the business side of things, no matter how much she wants to be. Chuck still doesn't trust her; her only involvement is to stand by his side looking pretty.

One good thing that comes from this is that she often gets comments from the other plus ones about her fabulous ensembles; gradually she carves a niche for herself giving solicited and unsolicited fashion advice. She contemplates making a business out of it, not that she hasn't had many offers but, that would mean leaving Chuck's side. She really wants to prove to Chuck that she is in this for the long haul and will not abandon him again.

Somewhere between Japan and Morocco, they fight and call it quits three times but, she perseveres.

Anytime she and Chuck fight, she picks up the phone to call him but, can't bring herself to do so. She is terrified of the reception she would get from him; they didn't exactly part as friends.

It starts to happen gradually (often after their fights), the comparison that is. She doesn't mean to compare them, it isn't intentional, it is like an unbidden reaction.

Blair hadn't realized how much she's changed or that she has now come to expect certain things in a relationship. But she can't let herself think like that, that is not who Chuck and Blair are.

Chuck is under a lot of pressure right now; even though he is making considerable progress, getting his and Jack's version of Bass Industries to be a multi-billion dollar industry like its predecessor is not as easy as Chuck originally envisaged. Wanting to help she suggests investing some of her money in the business. Chuck sees her suggestion as her not having faith in him and not being supportive, so he storms out of their hotel room. She hasn't heard from him in two weeks.

This is not as if this is the first time Chuck has walked out, to be honest she stopped counting. However, in the past he always came back to her within a few hours or days, he was never away for this long. She can't bring herself to care anymore. Evidently guilt no longer seems to play a big part in her decision making.

This time she doesn't chicken out and dials his phone number. She plans to say something witty when he picks up the phone, hopefully he'll say something witty back causing them to ease into their usual repartee which will then steer them away from her Chuckful past. Dan always did know how to make her feel better.

The response to her call is a resounding dead tone. She tries the number again and again and again, the response is the same each time. She then decides to try email, but her emails keeping bouncing back with a delivery error.

Her mind goes haywire and starts to imagine all sorts of terrible things that may have happened to him. With shaky fingers she calls Dorota and tells her to gather Intel on Dan, following her call to Dorota, Blair books herself on the next flight to New York.

Arriving in New York just after thanksgiving is a riotous affair; it takes forever to get out of the airport. At times like this she misses the privilege of being a princess i.e. not having to go through security with the rest of the civilians or reducing oneself to plebian tasks such as getting her own luggage.

Dorota is there to meet her at the airport.

The one good thing after her ordeal is Dorota's news that Dan is fine and ensconced in the NYU dorms. She can't help thinking, if he is ok, why is his phone or email not working? She snuffs out those thoughts and begins to formulate a plan to get him back on her side.

Without the hustle and bustle that accompanies her parents and Cyrus or Serena living here stepping into the penthouse feels almost like stepping into a mausoleum.

As they ascend the stairs Dorota is nattering on about something again; Blair isn't paying attention because the name Serena is included in whatever Dorota is saying. If Serena wants to be in her good graces she needs to make it up to her after many months of no contact. Pleading and begging for her forgiveness would be an acceptable first step. Blair shushes Dorota and instructs her to go draw her a bath, and then once finished with that to lay out her sleeveless red dress and black La Perlas for her to wear.

"But Miss Blair I need to tell you about Miss Serena..."

What is it with Dorota and the need for incessant chatter? Using hand motions to silence Dorota, she barks at her to go do her biding. Blair isn't interested in hearing about Serena. Dorota glares at her for effect and walks away to do as she has been instructed.

Later that evening Blair makes her way to Dan's dorm filled with trepidation and an aroma of Chanel No 5. On arriving at Second Street Hall, she makes her way to the fourth floor.

Standing in front of room 418 she knocks on the door and waits for an answer.

"Come in the door's open."

Opening the door slowly she steps into the room stealthily. Dan is sitting at his desk working away on his computer. She takes in the picture in front of her and a part of her is relieved to see him looking hale and hearty; another part of her finds the scene endearing.

Inhaling sharply she breathes out "Hi" shakily.

Dan turns his eyes from his computer screen and it meets hers where she stood by the door. A look of horror flickers across his face only to change to an icy glare in a matter of seconds.

"What are you doing here?"

Psyching herself internally, she has beatific smile on her face and she advances towards him and goes to stand by his desk. On getting there, she reaches out and attempts to grab his right hand and encase it in hers.

"I was worried about you. Your phone and email are no longer working so, I thought I'd come check up on you." She responds with concern in her voice.

"Aren't you seven months too late for that?" he retorts removing her hands from his. He then gets up from his desk and walks towards the window putting some distance between them.

"Can't we put the past behind us and start again with a clean slate please?"

There is a knock on the door. Ensuring that he sidesteps her, Dan advances to the door and opens it. A pretty girl with wavy brown hair walks in. She is wearing a brown plaid shirt and blue jeans accompanied with gold hoop earrings.

What in the world is with this lumberjack ensemble?

The girl notices Blair and gives her a little wave, Blair doesn't return it.

The girl faces Dan and gives him a peck on the lips.

Blair tries not to cringe at the grotesque display in front of her. She can't believe Dan went from high fashion to this. She doesn't allow herself to think about the searing pain that is starting in her chest.

Lumberjack is telling Dan about this place the gang is going to and wonders if he would like to go. Does she have to be really handsy when telling him about it?

Dan smiles at her in that cute way of his and agrees to go.

Lumberjack girl then turns in her direction and asks Blair if she'd like to join them at some Tavern.

Before Blair can respond with something wittingly condescending, Dan says "She can't, Blair's just leaving."

"Excuse me but, we are not finished." Blair begins to protest in astonishment.

"I believe we are. Good bye Blair."

And with that parting shot, Dan hurriedly ushers her out of his room and closes the door in her face. Blair hears the distinct sound of the door being locked. How dare Dan dismiss her! With that she storms out of the building.

Blair returns home dejected and slumps on the chaise lounge in the living area. She hadn't been expecting Dan to behave that way towards her. The whole thing left a sour taste in her mouth.

Dorota places a tray laden with Laduree macaroons, a teapot full camomile tea and a matching tea cup and saucer in front of her. Dorota pours some tea into the cup and passes it to Blair along with the plate of macaroons. Blair takes a sip from the tea cup and places it down on the saucer; then takes a macaroon from the plate and bites into the soft gooey center of a pistachio macaroon and lets out a sigh of contentment.

From the corner of her eye she sees Dorota acting fidgety. Blair rolls her eyes and growls, "Spit it out Dorota".

"It's about Miss Serena."

"I told you not to mention that name in this house!"

It turns out that Dorota had been trying to tell her that Serena had an overdose in July; the overdose nearly killed her. Lily made sure everything was hush-hush, and the only reason Dorota knew is because Vanya was the one that found Serena's comatose body in an alley in Queens.

"I tried to tell you over the phone Miss Blair, but either your phone switched off because you are flying somewhere with Mr Chuck or you shout at me not to mention Miss Serena..."

"You should have tried harder!"

Deserting her tea and macaroons Blair rushes out of the apartment.

Blair arrives at the Van Der Woodsen's hoping Lily would confide in her but, Lily's only response to her query about Serena's whereabouts is, "You know Serena, she is off to God knows where doing God knows what after deciding to take some time out from college, _again_."

Blair can't put a finger on it but, Lily is behaving stranger than usual. She's a bit too cold and detached even for Lily. Their conversation is stilted and doesn't go anywhere. In the past she may have probed further but, something is definitely off. And is that gin she can smell on Lily's breath?

Blair makes her excuses and leaves. She meanders around Manhattan with a big fog over her head. She can't believe she had being missing in action when her best friend needed her. She feels awful and desperately needed to talk to someone.

As she walks past the Paul Smith store on Fifth Avenue she wonders if Dan knows about Serena. If Lily kept it hush-hush there was a chance that he might not know. Hailing a cab she heads to Second Street Hall.

Dan isn't in his room when she gets there so she decides to wait for him in the hallway. She assumes that he'd gone to that place that the lumberjack had been talking about.

After a few hours of waiting her high heeled encased feet were beginning to ache, if she wasn't petrified about the possibility to catching something she would have relieved her aching feet by sitting on the floor or taking her shoes off.

A few minutes later she breathes a sigh of relief upon hearing Dan's voice coming from the direction of the stairwell. Her relief changes to something she can't define when she notices that he is accompanied by the lumberjack. Dan's arms are around her.

Dan stops upon spotting her and bellows, "Why are you back?"

"Oh I'm sorry did I interrupt your pathetic attempt at a booty call." She snarls back at him looking at the lumberjack up and down disparagingly for effect.

Dan advances towards her and stops in front of her, and before she realizes it they are talking over each other and arguing pretty intently. The only reason they stop is because lumberjack interrupts them.

Dan walks away from Blair and placates the lumberjack, apologizing profusely. They are talking in hushed tones so Blair can't make out what they are saying. However, Dan's looking into lumberjack's eyes and his hand is now stroking her cheek/jaw softly. Blair can tell where this is going.

Rolling her eyes, she stamps her foot and yells "Excuse me we were having a conversation!"

This causes Dan and lumberjack to jump. Dan turns to glare at her momentarily then turns back to inform lumberjack that _he needs to deal with this_.

This! How dare he refer to her as _this_?

"Humphrey you have some nerve…"

Humphrey and lumberjack say their goodbyes then Dan grabs Blair by the elbow, opens the door to his room and drags her inside, shutting the door behind them.

Dan removes his hand from her elbow, raising his hands in frustration yells, "What gives you the effrontery to come to my dorm and cause a scene?"

"What gives you the right to refer to me as _this_?"

"What are you even doing here? I thought I made my self clear earlier."

Still filled with righteous indignation, "Well I came here to tell you about Serena od'ing but, obviously you attempted booty call with lumberjack is more important. Forgive me for wanting you to know that the love of your life nearly died."

Placing his keys on his desk, "I already know about Serena." He responds more softly.

"What do you mean you already know about Serena? Dorota said no one knew as Lily kept it all hush-hush. In fact I went to see Lily tonight and she wouldn't divulge anything."

"I know, because I was there when Eric got the call from Lily."

"And you didn't think to let me know about this?"

"Frankly Blair I don't know what I do or do not owe you. So tell me how was I supposed to get hold of you to relay this information, hmmm? I haven't seen or heard from you in seven months."

"That is beside the point, you could have emailed me or texted me or asked Dorota to contact me…"

"Are you for real? Are you even listening to yourself?"

Sighing deeply he says a bit more quietly, "I saw Serena at the hospital and she was fine."

"Really? She's ok?"

"Well...ok enough to check herself into a facility in LA?"

Leaning against the door dejectedly she says, "I can't believe I didn't know something was wrong with her."

"Don't beat yourself about it; I didn't know anything was wrong with her either. I mean I should have clued in at the Shepherd party when she tricked me into having sex with her, and there was the whole thing about her videoing us having sex and trying to use it as blackmailing material..."

A sharp sound of skin hitting skin echoes across the room.

"Ouch, what the hell was that for?"

"You cheated on me with Serena?"

"You left me for Chuck, you don't get to pull the righteous indignation act on me Waldorf!"

"And you don't get to act sanctimonious, you cheated with my best friend!"

"For there to be cheating we would have had to be in a relationship and if my memory serves me correctly we weren't in a relationship. You left me for Chuck."

"I tried to explain. I left voicemails on your phone, sent you emails..."

"Just so you know, I didn't read your emails, in fact I deleted them. I was not interested in anything you had to say then, and frankly I'm not interested now." He turns away from her and walks towards the window.

There is an uncomfortable silence that seems to last for ages. The only sound in the room was the simultaneous hum from the refrigerator and the laptop on Dan's desk.

Breaking the silence Dan says, "I loved you, you know, more than I thought it was possible love anyone. All I wanted was some assurance that we were on the same page but, you couldn't be bothered to tell me that you decided to check out of the relationship, not even to say goodbye. And now you expect me to accept you back with open arms, it doesn't work that way Blair."

He lets out a deep sigh and continues. "You made your bed and now you need to lie on it. You can't expect things to be the same after what you did."

Opening the lets herself out and closes the door quietly behind her. Upon getting home books herself on the next flight to Paris. There was nothing for her in New York anymore.

On getting to Paris, one of the first things she does is to hire a PI to find Serena. The PI comes back with nothing.

The Second thing she does is to have a tete a tete with her parents. She apologizes for absconding on her responsibilities and explains that she had not envisaged this would happen when she agreed to take over from her mother. The truth was she doesn't think she is ready for Waldorf Designs right now. The past year had been excruciatingly difficult following the turmoil of losing her child, her broken marriage and nearly bankrupting her family. She hasn't been herself for a long time and taking over the helms of Waldorf is too much right now. She needs a break to find herself again first and maybe it would help her become stronger to carry on.

One thing that isn't vocalized is the heartache left by Dan, Serena and Chuck respectively.

Her parents (and step parents) are supportive. Her mother particularly feels awful for rushing her into taking on Waldorf Designs.

* * *

Within a few days of her arrival in Paris, Chuck is back and with a vengeance. Very soon the apartment is drowned in peonies and expensive gifts.

Chuck is very persistent however, she can't bring herself to go for a ride on the Bassmobile again. She needs to figure out why she is so messed up, why things are so confusing and more importantly she needs to fix whatever is wrong with her. Hitching herself on the Bassmobile (or any other mobile for that matter) is not going to bring her any closer to that.

So she rebuffs his advances when he comes to her apartment to proposition her.

"Is this about Humphrey?"

"This not about Dan." She protests.

"You think I don't know about your pathetic attempts at a reunion at NYU."

"You had me followed?"

"We fight and then you go slumming it in Brooklyn, that's pathetic even for you."

Blair recoils at the insult, taken aback by vitriol spewed her way. She's not at fault here; he was the one who left her in a hotel in Beijing.

"I think you should go," is her only response. But Chuck counters that.

"Why don't you get it through your head, you don't belong with the Humphreys of this world. You belong with me, he'll never understand you like I do..."

She doesn't let him finish, "Get out!"

Chuck looks her up and down disparagingly and says "Good-luck being someone else's whore" and strides out of the apartment.

Blair decides from that point onwards that _No Regrets_ is her mantra, _moving forward_ is her watchword; she is determined to make something meaningful of her life even after so many pitfalls.

Blair books herself into a retreat in Switzerland. Something about the Alps and fresh air there is very invigorating. Having time to herself, helps her reflect and gain perspective.

Love comes in many guises. It can come in the form of a prince with Vanderbilt connections, the Victrola or a Brooklyn boy with nothing to offer but, ensuring her happiness.

Sometimes love is not what you want it to be but, what you need. She can earnestly say that she loves Chuck, and she knows deep down that he loves her. His parting shot to her notwithstanding. He will always be her first in so many ways. The truth of the matter is that she's not in love with him; she hasn't been for a very long time. This is what she had been running away from for a while now. She shouldn't have involved Louis or Dan in her confusion; she should have faced her problems head on instead of needing people to keep her away from Chuck.

Chuck! No matter how much they love each other. They just aren't good for each other. How can someone who doesn't know love, give love? Despite all their declarations, their experiences and catastrophes has been a shinning beacon telling them it's not going to work out, no matter how much they want it to.

She's not even sure if Chuck really sees her. He may know her dark side but, he doesn't see all of her.

If she's completely honest with herself, she may be the first woman Chuck said I love you to, but she's not the last. She saw how he was with Eva and Raina.

She also realizes now that she loves Dan, she didn't realize it when they were together because it was different from anything that she had ever experienced. It wasn't intense like her love for Chuck or Nate; it was a quieter, an unassuming kind of love.

The funny thing about all of this is that, she thought if someone could love all sides of her unconditionally like Dan did, that maybe Chuck could too, and then she could have everything she always wanted. Chuck Bass is a law unto himself alone. The love of a woman couldn't change that.

Blair sends a package of books to Dan's dorm with a note that says "I'm sorry", hoping it would smoothen things or at least open an avenue of communication between them. She could really do with a friend right now.

The package is returned to her with a note that says, "You can't buy your way into forgiveness."

After more months of soul searching and therapy, she decides to put pen to paper. She writes three letters, one to Louis, Chuck and Dan respectively. She hopes the letters will explain everything and hopefully earn their forgiveness.

She never gets a response back to any of her letters; not even from Dan. It brings her to the resounding conclusion that he may never forgive her.

Blair encourages herself with the words _No Regrets_ and M_oving forward_.

* * *

_To be content with what we at the present know, is for the most part, to shut our ears against conviction; since; from the very gradual character of our education, we much continually forget and emancipate ourselves from, knowledge previously acquires; we must set aside old notions and embrace fresh ones; as we learn, we must be daily unlearning something which it has cost us no small labor and anxiety to acquire. The Odyssey by Homer._

Following her year in Switzerland, Blair returns to Paris and throws herself into Waldorf Designs while simultaneously finishing her degree at Columbia via distance learning. She graduates cum laude and hangs her certificate in her office proudly. The gold picture frames sparkles every time it is hit by sunlight streaming through the curtains.

A year after graduating from Columbia she enrolls on a graduate programme at Sorbonne where she meets Jean-Victor Meyers. Together they are the toast of Paris, thanks to their family's combined fortunes, his L'Oreal, hers Waldorf Design.

After graduating from Sorbonne, she and Jean-Victor tie the knot; Blair is twenty seven years old. They decide that Paris would be their main base and make their home in Auteuil-Neuilly-Passy in the 16th arrondissement.

Their marriage is more of a media success than it is a happy one. Things begin to crumble when Olivier is three years old. It has been happening gradually over the years but, now they have reached a point of no return. They are practically strangers and are rarely in the same place at the same time. In the early days of their marriage they could easily patch things up as they had more time for each other, but as he became busier with his various charities and traveling the world in aid of them they rarely saw each other.

It doesn't help that she also became exceptionally busy with Waldorf Designs. Under her stewardship Waldorf Designs is expanding, they have taken London, Paris, Milan and Moscow by storm and are now one of the mains attraction during the fashion week in those cities. Opening and managing new stores in Paris, London, Moscow and Milan in addition to her daily duties of overseeing Waldorf Design kept her very occupied. There is also that little part of her that compares him to the one that got away.

They amicably dissolve their marriage and she gets custody of their five year old son.

After Jean-Victor, she falls for a fellow expatriate Steve Collins (who is a shipping magnate) within a space of a few months following her divorce. Sadness at her failure in a second marriage, loneliness and a lot of vodka martinis had a hand in her decision. She becomes pregnant within a short span into their relationship and they decide to get married. Arabella Nicole Eleanor Dorota Collins (affectionately referred to as _Belle_ by Olivier who couldn't pronounce Arabella) was born nine months later.

This marriage doesn't last either, they called it quits when Arabella is three years old and Olivier is nine.

After the crumble of her third marriage, Blair decides to move to New York. This is partly due to the fact that French tabloids have not been kind to her. Having three failed marriages with two famous French nationals and a Monaco Prince makes her an easy target. A few of them label her _Madame Poison_.

More importantly, she wants to give Oliver and Belle an American education, she's missed New York so much.

As she and parents were now permanently based in Paris there was no point keeping the penthouse, they sold the penthouse (with her permission) after her marriage to Jean-Victor. Plus Jean-Victor's family home in Park Avenue had been very suitable for their needs that they hadn't needed a second house.

With the penthouse sold years ago, Blair begins to look into Manhattan's real estate. With the help of a realtor Cyrus put her in contact with, Blair scores for a new accommodation, this means frequent trips to New York. On a few occasions she brings the kids with her and together they settle on a nine bedroom town house on Park Avenue. The kids love the spiral staircase, the many rooms and the little garden. Blair likes the fact that the hallway reminds her of her childhood home, the house was built in 1903, has a Louis XV drawing room, a Georgian library and eighteen century fireplace mantels, which would make excellent dinner conversations as she ingrains herself back into the New York social scene.

The move to America in the months that followed was smooth and they settle into their new home nicely within a year following her divorce.

Olivier is enrolled Saint Judes and will start in the fall, thanks for a sizable donation. Belle will be attending a kindergarten not too far to Saint Judes; it simplified their nanny's logistics.

It is nice having Dorota back. A lot of pleading and guilt tripping was involved in enticing Dorota from her previous employer. The sizable bribe sent to Dorota's employer may have also help speed things up a bit.

One good thing about being back in New York is being able to catch up with Nate who is now a congressman in Connecticut's fourth district. They promise to do lunch whenever they are both free or when next he is in the city. During their chat she asks after Dan and Serena, Nate has not heard from either of them since college.

Apparently Nate and Chuck still see each other from time to time whenever Chuck is in the states. Chuck is on his third marriage to a twenty year old by the name of Wendy Lee.

Being married and running a business has made it difficult for her to pursue other things like finding Serena.

Curiosity gets the best of her and she finds herself hiring a PI. Serena is now a sought after photographer-cum-creative director in Hollywood. Blair would have pegged Serena to be in front of the camera not behind it.

Dan resides in England. He is a lecturer at Bath University and is married to Emily; they have been married for 10 years and had a son. Reading this information causes her heart to ache inexplicably, she didn't realize she was still harboring feelings. Refusing to open the envelope containing the pictures, she asks her secretary to shred them and the documents (about Dan and Serena) that accompanied them.

If Serena wanted her to know her whereabouts, she would have tried to get in touch with Blair, it isn't as if she didn't know where Blair was.

Blair decides from that point onwards that there was no point looking back, after all _No Regrets_ is her mantra, _moving forward_ her watchword.

* * *

The kids are settling into the New York state of mind very easily and their first year here has passed by so quickly.

Belle especially seems to be making friends at school and often mentions 'Joe' in her conversations. This often results in Olivier teasing her mercilessly about her _boyfriend_, which would often make Belle scream or blush furiously.

Belle has been pestering her about going to Joe's house for a play date. Blair is happy for Belle to do so provided she is acquainted with Joe's parents first. The forthcoming Teacher-Parent-Student night would be an excellent opportunity to meet Joe and his parents, provided they attended the event that is; Blair recalls that Dorota often attended hers instead of her parents.

A last minute meeting with a new investor based in China causes Blair to be late for the event. She instructs the nanny (Marie) to go in her place. Olivier will be going with them, if the nanny was with Belle; there would be no one at home with Olivier. Dorota being away in Poland was really messing with her plans.

Forty five minutes later Blair is in a town car praying Belle is not too upset with her.

On arriving at the school Blair is directed towards the main hall where all the teachers, students and parents are congregating. Blair spots Olivier skulking in a corner looking bored. Belle close by chatting animatedly to a young boy with a massive ringlet of blond curls and she can Marie is hovering in the background. Blair advances towards them with a smile on her face.

Olivier spots her first and rushes in her direction. Without giving her a chance to say hello, he asks if he and the nanny can go home now. Giving him a peck on the nose, she says firmly "Not yet mon cherie."

They walk over to where Belle and the boy are standing; nodding at Marie, Blair bends down to give Belle a hug and apologizes for being late.

"Maman tu me embarrassant" Belle hisses (Maman you are embarrassing me).

She rolls her eyes, "My apologies ma cherie."

Blair focuses her attention on the boy standing next to Belle, extending her right hand; she smiles and says, "You must be Joe, pleased to finally meet you. I'm Belle's mother."

Joe smiles shyly in return and takes her outstretched hand in his little soft one.

"Pleased to meet you Mrs Collins." He replies in a strong English accent.

She wants to correct him that it's Ms Waldorf but, lets it slide. It would be excruciating explaining to a five year old why she's Ms Waldorf and not Mrs Collins.

A familiar face walks in their direction and Blair freezes.

It can't be.

He looks the same but, older. He wears glasses now which makes him seem more learned.

She sees the shock register in his eyes, there is some hesitancy there too. They stand there staring at each other for what seems like eons, not knowing what to say.

Silencing the petrified inner girl child within her, she fakes the courage she doesn't have and says with a smile, "Fancy seeing you here Humphrey."

"You too Waldorf." He replies returning her smile.

Belle chooses that moment to start tugging at her hand. Blair turns away from Dan to focus on her daughter and hisses in irritation, "Not now Belle?"

"Do you two know each other?"

Shaking her head at her daughter's impudence. "Yes Belle we do."

"Oh, that's great then" she says excitedly.

"Great? What do you mean?"

"You said that I could have a play date with Joe if you met his parents, well since you already know Joe's Dad, it is ok to have the play date, non?"

Dan is Joe's Dad? Is fate playing a cruel trick on her?

"You are Belle's Mother?"

As if the shock of recent revelations is not enough, Olivier uses that moment to launch into a repeated whine about wanting to go home.

She needs to process what she's just heard and she can't do that with Olivier whining.

Belle also picks that moment to ask both Dan and Blair, if she and Joe can go home with Olivier. "_Joe's Dad can come pick him up later when you guys are done_." Puppy dog eyes ensued from both Joe and Belle following Belle's request.

The headmaster announces that the parents and teachers need to congregate in another room for a short meeting.

Blair reasoned that there was no point in Belle and Joe staying, their bit is finished now.

"I'm ok with it, if you are ok with it Dan."

Dan agrees. Belle and Joe jumping up and down in excitement, Blair is bemused by their antics.

Part of her is still in shock that Dan gave in so easily, she had been expecting more resistance.

Blair instructs Marie to take the kids home in the town car, she and Dan will make way back in a taxi. Giving Olivier and Belle goodbye hugs and kisses, she overhears Dan telling Joe to be good while engulfing him in a hug.

With the kids on their way, they join the other parents.

The meeting isn't very long. it's a short presentation about the school from the headmaster and it was peppered with talks about their hopes and vision. After the presentation there is a bit of parent/teacher engagement. As Belle and Joe are in the same class, she and Dan end up speaking to the same people.

She can't help wondering where Mrs. Humphrey was.

When the event comes to an end, Dan and Blair make their way outside, silently walking side by side on the street adjacent to their children's school on that cool October evening.

Dan breaks the silence, "So you are Belle's mother?"

"I think we already covered that part of the conversation Humphrey." she replies teasingly.

"I just can't believe that out of all the kids in that school, my kid chooses to make friends with, he chooses yours."

"Hey! Your kid should be thrilled to be friends with my kid."

"I don't mean like that Blair, I just meant what are the odds?"

"Yeah, what are the odds"

"So where do we go from here?" He says quietly.

"We try to be civil for the sake of our kids."

"What about if they ask us how we know each other? At their age they tend to be very inquisitive and I'm not ready to tell my son about the birds and the bees yet."

She laughs, still the same old Dan with his humor.

"We can tell them we are old friends." Blair says calmly. "We were friends at one point."

"Yeah we were, weren't we? Sounds good Waldorf."

They hail a cab and head to her place.

* * *

After their original encounter, with the knowledge that their parents are friends, Belle and Joe decide that they want to have play dates every day. Blair doesn't exactly discourage this sentiment; more Joe means means more Dan. Dan is not buying into the new way of thinking and only agrees to play dates twice a month.

The thing is, her children are just like her. They can be obstinate when they don't get their way. 99.9% of the time she can curtail their obstinacy, they may be headstrong but, they are not as headstrong as their mother. In this particular instance she doesn't try to curtail Belle and hints that she is happy for Belle and Joe to have as many play dates as they wOuld like. It was Dan that needed convincing.

Belle comes up with a strategy that involves writing Mr. Humphrey a letter which will include pictures of her and Joe crying at being kept apart, Belle plans to give the letter to Dan after school.

Later that afternoon Blair gets a phone call from Mrs. Simpson, who is distressed about that nice Dr Humphrey keeping those two children apart. Apparently Mrs Simpson was at the gate when Belle gave the letter to Mr. Humphrey, upon getting no immediate response to her letter, Belle latches unto Dan's leg, crying and begging him not to keep her and Joe apart.

"That poor brokenhearted child." sniffs Mrs Simpson.

Internally Blair congratulates Belle for being her mother's daughter through and through, and makes a note to buy her a present. She doesn't dare express her glee outwardly else, Mrs Simpson might wonder what type of mother she is.

Her only outward response is, "I know, I hope he changes his mind. I'll speak to Belle about it as soon as I get home."

Upper East Side mothers haven't changed; they behave the same way now like they did when Blair was a child. One whiff of scandal was enough to ignite the flames of gossip. The news of that nice Dr Humphrey breaking a little girl's heart spread quickly like wild fire in a matter of minutes. Blair has been getting calls left right and center after speaking to Mrs Simpson.

The one thing Blair doesn't anticipate is Dan being able to decode Blair Waldorf related schemes; a Belle Collins scheme to be fair. He comes bounding into her office the next morning in irritation.

"Did you put Belle up to this?"

"No but, I didn't exactly discourage her. Come on she only wants to spend more time with her friend, what is the harm in that."

Dan responds by saying the kids already see each other every day at school in addition to their existing play dates. Kids need a bit of discipline and they (the parents) can't give in to their every whim willy nilly just because they decide to throw a tantrum in public.

"Would you be spewing such psychological garbage if Belle wasn't my kid? Is it such a bad thing if our kids want to hang out more often. Do you hate me that much?"

"I don't hate you!"

Pushing his hand through his hair, he says in almost a whisper, "The reason I'm not allowing any more play dates apart from the discipline aspect of things I mentioned earlier is because, Joe spends most of his after school time with his grandfather and a majority of his weekends at my mother in Hudson. Dad never had the opportunity to spend much time with Joe because we were leaving in the England. Since Joe lost his mother to cancer last year; I have been very keen to remedy that. My parents are the only grandparents he has, his mother's parentspassed away before he was born."

"Oh Dan, I'm so sorry…I didn't know."

"Goes to show that you don't always know everything Blair."

"I'll speak to Belle and tell her to back off."

He nods at her and exits her office.

Blair feels extremely wretched, as if there wasn't enough for him to hate her.

Blair speaks to Belle when she gets home and gets her to write a letter apologizing for her behavior. The letter is accompanied by an apology note from Blair and a muffin basket, which is delivered to Dan at Columbia the next day, where he is now a professor.

Blair also calls Mrs Simpson to explain and clear Dan's name. Not soon after that Dan returns to his position of adoration among the mothers.

A few days following her apology, Dan leaves a message with her secretary saying that Joe and Belle can have weekly play dates on Wednesday. Apparently like the kids, Wednesday is a half working day for Dan. He also proposed that if it is ok with her, he can pick them up after school and take them to his place, and would bring Belle home around 5pm.

Blair calls Dan back and tells him that she is ok with his proposal, however she would be picking up Belle from Dan's place on her way back from work instead. He gives her his address and they bid each other goodbye.

Dan lives at "The Brittannia" apartment block in Morningside Heights? All this time and she disn't realise he had been living so close. The play dates so far has been held in her home. As Dan had just returned to the states, she assumed he would be staying in Brooklyn with Rufus.

On Wednesday, she arrives at Dan's place filled with nervous anticipation. Dan buzzes her in and upon getting to his floor, an excited Belle and Joe let her into the apartment and take her straight into the living room.

She hesitates at the door leading to the living room and takes in the sight before her. Dan's apartment is a bit different from what she had been expecting. There was the obvious double book cases however, it is the simplistic and semi sparse style of the decorating that was surprising. She had been expecting something as densely populated like the loft.

There was a pair of white book cases (separated by a plasma TV) on the wall; the book cases faced the direction of doorway. The rest of the living area consisted of a three seat brown leather sofa, a brown leather chaise, a mahogany coffee table in the center of the room, and an ebony grand piano by the window. There were a bunch of toys littered in front of the fire place which was underneath the plasma television. She guesses that this is where Joe and Belle have been playing.

Dan's voice behind her startles her. He wants to know if she would like to join them for some ice cream. She nods and he disappears through a set of double doors.

Belle and Joe ask her excitedly if she would like a tour of the house. She agrees with the same amount of enthusiasm, curious to see the rest of chez Humphrey.

Chez Humphrey turns out to be a two bedroom apartment that is all on the same floor. The first port of call is the dinning room, then the kids show her the bathroom, next is Joe's room which Joe takes pride in showing her. The stop in Joe's room takes longer than expected, Joe and Belle decide to show her how springy Joe's bed is by jumping on it enthusiastically. Belle uses that opportunity to ask for a bed like Joe's, her wooden bed was no fun. Blair promises to think about it.

From Joe's room they turn left into Dan's room. The bed spread and duvet cover on the king size bed are a dark purple color; there is a bedside cabinet on both sides of the bed and on top of it are lamps with a dark brown brocade lamp shade . By the window is a desk laden with papers and above the desk is a book case, strewn with books piling over each other.

Their tour ends in the kitchen, where there are generous scoops of ice cream waiting for them in stainless steel ice cream bowls on top a laminate breakfast bar.

They congregate into the living room and tuck into their ice cream. Blair only has a few spoonfuls, not because she doesn't like the ice cream but, because she doesn't want to pay for her indulgence later by a week of intense dieting.

"Come on Waldorf, treating yourself is not going to make you obese, tuck in!"

She glares at him playfully and proceeds to take another spoonful.

"Why do you call my maman Waldorf? Her name is Blair."

Blair nearly spits out her ice cream.

Dan explains to Belle that when they were in school, he and Blair used to refer to ech other by their surnames, he called her Waldorf, and she called him Humphrey.

"But why?" Belle asks emphatically.

Blair can see Dan struggling for an answer. She saves him from his misery and explains to Belle that sometimes people just refer to each other by their surnames and there wasn't necessarily a reason for it.

She can see that Belle is still not wholly satisfied by the answer but, decides to let it go. Belle then turns to Joe and calls him "Humphrey" for the sheer fun of it. For the next few minutes Dan and Blair listen to their children referring to each other good-naturedly by their surnames.

Blair rolls her eyes at Dan and accuses him, "Look at what you started."

He shrugs at her, which results in them smiling at each other.

It is time to go home and Blair meets with some resistance from Belle. The kid must think after her stint with Dan at the school gates and the increase in play dates, it means she gets a say. All it takes is a look from her and Belle is packing her things and saying goodbye to Joe with a glum face.

Dan and Joe see them to their car. When they exit the main entrance, Dan and Blair turn to the other to say their good byes and it's a bit awkward.

"So..."

"So…"

The kids take their awkward pause/silence to mean that they can race each other to the limo. How Blair wishes things could that simple between them.

"So why don't you and I have coffee some time."

"Blair..."

"I insist. If our kids are going to be friends and have regular play dates, we kinda owe it to ourselves to clear the air."

"You know what, coffee sounds good."

She beams at him. "So can I call you say sometime next week to arrange something."

"Sure."

There first coffee date is at Columbia; Blair thinks Dan will feel more comfortable in his own habitat. They arranged to meet at 12:30pm, Dan's lunch break. Blair she decides to arrive early and sits in on his 11 o' clock lecture.

Dan seems to be very in touch with his students. He takes time to explain things and enjoys engaging them in dialog to spur their contribution and invigorate the way they think. Who knew comparative literature could be so interesting.

At the end of the lecture, Blair descends the stairs and makes her way to the podium where Dan is currently putting away his stuff.

"That was very good Dr Humphrey."

He looks up, surprised to see her and then ends up biting his lower lip.

"I thought we were meeting at 12:30?"

Blair shrugs, "I decided to surprise you."

Dan finishes packing his things, they walk over to his office to drop his things first before heading out for their coffee. Dan's office consists of a mahogany desk laden with papers and books, and a wall encased with bookshelves that contained many old looking books.

On their way out, they bump into a few of his colleagues. Dan's colleagues tended to stop him for a chat and seemed to pay Blair no mind. Blair didn't seem to mind the interruption the first time but, by the time they were interrupted for the third time, she was beginning to lose her patience and was feeling a bit testy. Colleague number three is a lady and her chat with Dan seems to be of a lengthy nature that consisted of her playing with her hair.

Blair hadn't really spared her a glance when she came up to Dan, a female lecture with a dowdy outfit, glasses and unmanaged hair were a dime a dozen. She had been keeping herself occupied by staring at the building's wooden beams for the umpteenth time. Her rising impatience makes her give Dan's colleague a second glance.

"Nelly Yuki is that you?"

"Blair Waldorf?"

"In the flesh."

"So...long time no see, what brings to Columbia", Nelly asks awkwardly

"Well...Dan and I are going to have some coffee before his lunch break runs out, but people keep stopping him to talk to him."

Nelly stammers something and high tails it out of there.

Dan apologizes for the interruptions and they finally make their way to Joe Coffee.

Coffee becomes a two, three or maybe a four time thing, not that Blair's counting.

Slowly they begin to forge something akin to friendship. They still banter like they did at twenty, have similar taste in books and movies. Their debates on current affairs always keeps her on her toes. They and the children begin to hang out on the odd weekend when Dan and Joe are available. Everyone is getting on so well though she still senses some hesitancy from Dan.

Dan is incredibly good with her kids; even brooding Olivier has taken a shine to Dan and sometimes of his own accord Olivier joins Belle at Dan's during her play date with Blair clears her afternoon diary and joins them.

The Humphrey family and Waldorf-Collins-Meyers gradually become regular features at each other's houses.

With such close and frequent proximity, it is not long before old feelings burst through the seams. It is the little things she is crazy about, like how his eyes crinkle when he laughs, or the way he bites his lips or how his eyes pour into hers when they are talking. She had missed this, a lot.

Her kids tell her that she laughs a lot more now. She seems more more relaxed. Dorota can't help chiming in her contribution.

Gossip Girl may no longer exist but, the gossip mongering on the Upper East Side still does. Dan features heavily from time to time due to his eligibility as a single father, in addition, he is not unattractive and is one the few fathers who makes an attempt to regularly come to pick his kid up from school. Plus he tends to engage the other parents (and help) in chitchat at the school gates, the few parents who deign to come and pick up their kids that is.

The current gossip is that Dan and Nelly have a thing.

Against her better judgment she may have cleared her diary one evening, and donning on a black beret and matching trench Burberry coat followed them to a bar. She also may have paid Nelly Yuki a visit a few days later and told her in no uncertain terms to back off.

It seems Nelly snitched on her, because Dan is currently in her office, livid and accuses her of _still being the high school bully_.

"Fine date Nelly Yuki I'm not stopping you!"

"Even if I wanted to, which I don't. Nelly's too scared stiff of what you'll do to her."

"You don't get to do this to me Blair, you just don't."

With that parting shot he walks out of her office, slamming the door behind him.

Luckily she sent her secretary on an errand when Dan came bounding in, it wouldn't do to be the fodder of office gossip.

After calming down a few hours later, she feels really bad. Her jealousy got the best of her. She had not banked on him finding out. She really doesn't want to lose the friendship that they've forged over the past eight months.

Later that night around 9pm after putting the kids to bed and with Marie on alert, she goes over to Dan's place.

To say that she is persona non grata is an understatement. Dan refuses to buzz her into the building, telling her sternly to _go home_ via the intercom. Using the opportunity of another resident exiting the building, Blair lets herself in and makes her way to his floor.

He opens his front door after her repeated knocks, there is a scowl on his face. Blair can't help feeling sheepish as she rushes into his apartment before he decides to shut the door in his face.

"Blair..."

"Dan, just hear me out ok, please."

He shuts the door and ushers her into the living room.

She sits on the leather sofa while Dan sits on the chaise. She apologizes first and then explains why she did it. Dan doesn't understand, her confessions catches him unawares as he doesn't believe he gave her any indication that they were anything other than friends.

"Is there any chance you would ever forgive me or see me that way again?"

Dan thinks there is too much water under the bridge for there to be anything between them. In addition, it is too soon after his wife's death to start contemplating another relationship. A part of him doesn't want to take that chance again, he doesn't want to risk his heart. If not for Emily coming into his life when she did, he isn't sure what would have become of him.

"But, I've changed Dan."

"Have you? Because I just saw a glimpse of the old Blair. All you had to do was ask and I would have told you if Nelly and I were an item. You didn't have to do what you did."

"Dan if you could just give us a chance, I know there is something there."

Dan removes his glasses and rubs his eyes. He puts back his glasses and fixes his eyes on hers, "I'm sorry, I can't give you the answer you want."

She nods in acquiesce and sees herself out.

Piecing her heart together this time is more excruciating than the last time. She has never felt more defeated in her life.

Like Dan promised that event does not change their relationship, they maintain cordiality for their kids sake. However, Blair ensures that she is absent from most of the Waldorf-Meyers-Collins-Humphreys hang outs sessions to spare her hurt pride. If the kids notice anything they do not mention it.

As the months go by she begins to join them gradually. Things are still a bit awkward between them.

The year flies by quickly and it is Thanksgiving. The kids are eager to spend their first thanksgiving together, so Dan and Blair agree to celebrate the holiday together. Thanksgiving will be taking place at Blair's, her house is bigger and could accommodate all their families. Dan vetoes hiring a catering service, he wants it to be a traditional thanksgiving, she gives in without a fight.

Her parents and step parents arrive on the eve before thanksgiving laden with gifts for the children.

On thanksgiving Dan, Joe, Rufus and Alison arrive at 7am laden with ingredients for the food and gifts for everyone.

Dan and Rufus take over the kitchen and make breakfast for everyone. While the rest of the adults makes small talk in the living room and Cyrus plays with the children.

Breakfast is a riotous affair thanks to three excited children however, the house is full of laughter and lots of waffles. After Breakfast, Dan and Rufus return to the kitchen to finish preparing their thanksgiving meal. Blair and her father join them, baking fours portion of their famous pumpkin pie with help from the kids.

They leave Dan and Rufus in the kitchen and return to the living room to sip champagne with the rest of the adults while the kids go off to play in the garden.

Her mother complains repeatedly about the lack of catered service, the fact that she has to serve herself and the obvious lack of Hors d'oeuvres to accompany her champagne. Blair hides in the kitchen to avoid anymore tongue lashing and keeps herself occupied by bossing Dan and Rufus about and eating copious amounts of leftover waffles.

Thanksgiving is a resounding success and everyone is stuffed. The adults relax in the main living room with glasses of sherry, while the kids watch cartoon in the adjoining sitting room. Dan and Blair clear the dinning table and clean the kitchen. Once they finish they join the adults in the living room. The conversations are light and airy, and in between they watch old movies.

It is time to go but, Belle and Joe don't want to be parted yet. Dan agrees to her suggestion of a sleepover. Joe and Belle jump up and down in excitement upon hearing the news.

"What is that racket?" screeches Eleanor from the living room.

"Only your very excited granddaughter mother."

Dan stays to help put the kids to bed, after that he, Rufus and Alison bid them good night. Not soon afterwards everyone else retires for the night.

Blair is in her bedroom going through the mock up for their spring/summer campaign when she hears a knock on her bedroom door.

"Come in."

Cyrus had seen the light under her door and decided to pop in to say one final goodnight before he retires for the night.

Sitting across her on the bed, Cyrus says, "You and Dan have pretty good routine going on there."

"Our kids spend a considerable amount of time together Cyrus, there is nothing to sniff around for."

"The young man seems to know his way around this place and not to mention the way you behave in each other's vicinity."

"Cyrus there isn't anything between us. Well not on my part anyway, Dan doesn't see me that way."

For the first time she confides in someone other than her therapist about what happened years ago. She also brings him up to speed on current events.

"If there is one thing I know its love and that young man looked like he had a bag full for you."

"Oh Cyrus, you old fool..."

"This old fool knows what he saw and it was two people in sync and in love."

"If things are the way you say they are my only advice is to ask you to give him time; let him come to you when he is ready."

Thanksgiving goes and then it's Christmas. Christmas departs and then it is the New Year, which quickly becomes Spring. Blair gives up hope of him coming to her. Cyrus is a delusional old fool, his words are nothing but, fallacy.

Their life is the same as what it was before, family hang outs, coffee and watching movies twice a week. On Thursday after viewing a movie at Film Forum, they decide to go for drinks and take a stroll down to "The Meatpacking District".

Somewhere in between the movie theatre and 7th Avenue, Dan's hand intertwines with hers and he doesn't let go. Even if she wanted to be coy about it, she doesn't let herself, she's too old for games. She doesn't hide the fact that she likes him holding her hand. And if she moves a bit closer and they are bumping shoulders, he doesn't show it.

They end up in a place called 675; it's a mishmash of exposed brick, bright paintings, wacky decorations, mishmash furniture, pool tables and secluded alcoves. George Thorogood's version of _1 Bourbon, 1 Scotch, 1 Beer_ is streaming through the speakers and theynsettle into one of the alcoves with drinks and each other. The night flies by, she can hardly remember what they were talking about, not that their conversation was not scintillating, it was difficult trying to have a conversation in a loud and crowded bar. Her mind is also in a bit of a fog, she is in cloud nine right now as they spent most of the night flirting.

They give up trying to make conversation in the loud bar and head to her house. The kids are sound asleep. Hanging their coats in the cloakroom they make their way into the living room and end up sitting on the rug, sipping Shiraz and watching movies on TV.

It's time for Dan to go despite her many protestations. It's a school night and DAN has work tomorrow. They say their good night at the front door; Blair can't see him out properly as she has no shoes on.

Dan leans into her personal space and kisses her. Blair kisses him back with gusto.

There are uncountable kisses after that and they start to date after that.

They keep the changes in their relationship between themselves and decide to take things slowly. There was no use confusing the kids unless they were absolutely confident of what their future is.

Their schedule changes slightly, there is an increase in the number of coffee and movie dates but, nothing too drastic. Blair looks forwards to their dates with a glee she hasn't mustered since she was seventeen. They have coffee daily after dropping the kids of at school. She doesn't get to see him alone every evening but, they see each other twice a week, they alternate between watching movies or actual dates.

With all their kids safely tucked in at her place under the watchful eye of Marie on a Friday evening, Dan makes Blair a candlelit dinner at his place. As they tuck into their meal, sipping red wine and making flirty conversation between courses. Blair can't help but lean over the table to kiss Dan's lips and whisper, "I love you" in between kisses. It is easier saying it this time.

Dan doesn't say it back. He smiles at her words and kisses her with gusto. That is the only answer she needs.

Dan's "I love you" comes a few weeks later while they are sitting on the benches at Columbia sipping coffee. They are engaged in a random argument about movie directors when he says it. She is too gob smacked to say anything or breathe.

They have a registry wedding a year later during the Thanksgiving holiday. They wanted something quiet, unpretentious and family oriented. After three weddings, Blair has had enough of razzmatazz. There isn't a dry eye in the room, except for the kids who are hooting and hollering in excitement. Dorota cries throughout the ceremony, she can't seem to hold back the tears of joy.

It's been eighteen years getting here and this is the only place she ever wants to be, being married to the man she loves.

**The End**


End file.
